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Tales of Vergil (11/10)

Right. So there I was, not drowning, when all of the sudden, A GIANT ENEMY TOAD appeared! Well, my allies were too busy drowning to really notice it, you see, so it was up to ol’ Vergil to take this thing down. Did I mention I was almost naked? It’s quite an accomplish to slay a giant enemy toad when you’ve only got your sword and your undergarments. Now, now, try to stay focused. I know I should have never put such images into your heads, for everyone is way too distracted to listen to my story, but please try. Also, you in the back. Yeah, you. Stop chuckling.

So there I was, fighting the toad. “Ribbit,” excitedly exclaimed the toad, as it lashed out with its thousand barbed tongues. Agilely I dodged in mid-water, with 304 of the tongues nearly scraping me. Seeing my opportunity, though slim, I advanced. I grabbed the nearest tongue as it retracted to the treacherous toad, and suddenly, I was air-born. My feet dangled behind as I sped to the toad at the pace of thunder, and as I neared its warty head, I struck down with my mighty blade, piercing the beast’s hide like Tiberius pierces a small chicken. And with that one, sure strike, the battle had been won, and the toad’s fate had been sealed. Also, he like, sunk to the bottom of the lake and stuff, all dead-like.

Afterwards, we inspected the war titan to realize something that no one had yet thought; it’s really, really, REALLY stupid to swim in a lake full of unknown creatures… a lake that can explode in fiery death at any particular second. I’m talking really stupid here, you don’t even know. Here, imagine me asking Tiberius to keep guard over a prized chicken of mine, just for 5 minutes. Yes. Swimming in that lake was on that level of stupid. So, with that new found knowledge, I kindly suggested that we not be there anymore. To support my suggestion, a kindly man-eating shark came up and proffered his advice. “Mayhap, friends and gentlemen, in such a jolly ol’ pickle in which you young lads now fancy yourselves, the course of action that is most truly the bees knees would so be to venture reverse-like, so as to most indubitably evade the jolly large lake serpent. Oh, did I not mention the la-” and with that, the shark was gone, eaten by a jolly large lake serpent. And with that, we ran. We ran so hard through that water. So very hard. And guess what? We made it. We avoided the serpent and returned to shore.

Finally, it was time for Vergil to stop distracting all the ladies in the village and put back on his clothes. The ladies of Greenlake all sighed and returned to their chores and plain husbands. Anyway, at this point, I had to find out more about what was with all the strangeness about town. So, I did what Vergil does best; I talked! That’s right, I talked and talked and talked. I talked to the young. I talked to the old. I talked to the moss. I talked to the mold. I talked to everyone woman; I talked to every man, and wouldn’t you know it, ol’ Vergil had a plan.

See, I learned a good many things about the town, and not the least of which was that there was a tunnel underneath the town that could possibly take us to the war titan. Also, it had little gremlins that like to trip people. Man, those guys are annoying. Have you ever tried to talk to one? They won’t even answer you. I’ve tried! I was all friendly, complimenting the nice gremlin on how well he just tripped me and caused me to scrape my knee on that sharp rock. It was a good shot! But no, he wasn’t satisfied. Trip and run, that’s all they do. Bah, gremlins.

Anyway, the tunnel. Turns out the only way there was through these trap doors in some of the main buildings of the town. So, we did what any noble dragonborn of honor and diplomacy would do; broke into the shop and went down into the tunnel, without no one noticing a thing. Perhaps.

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